I wonder so much about being humble. Well not about actually being humble, the acts associated with humbleness, the things people expect you to do to “show” you’re humble is terrifying. I’m not here to dispel the myth or even tell them they’re doing it wrong, I want everyone to know that I am humble in a different way.
I have been told I am the antithesis of humble. People have said I’m arrogant or I have a big ego among other things, why do people think this? It’s really the furthest thing from the truth. Let me lay it out like this.
My humbleness isn’t meek I am not a meek character it goes against my very nature and survival instincts. What I am is aware, the few terrifying things I am aware of are where my humbleness lays – it just so happens those things aren’t in the hands of man and my disagreeable nature agrees that just as my happiness doesn’t lay in the hands of man neither will my humble.
So the thoughts go
God exists he is the greatest and I give all praises due onto him because he is the reason I am here. I do nothing without God’s presence, what am I without God nothing. I need no one to tell me or remind me of that and God made me in a very valid image where man is not my king only God is
There is so much pain in the world, my existence is surrounded by it and at times can be devoured because I live in the reality of now I know pain daily, it obsesses over me and fights for my time daily and my mind is focused on staying the path of faith hope and good health
God speaks to us in many ways. We measure how he speaks to us with numbers and science, that is the language of God. Time for me represents the measurement of the human condition, where there is only now time helps you unabstract that into the language which corresponds into something we understand. What time does for me is remind me the human condition is finite, we have all we have in this moment because of all we done and there will come an end to that clock. I think about this from the moment I was able to contemplate, my existence has been terrifying but I manage it well.
All those three brings me to what we have here. Reality God Pain and Time exist in parlay within my human reality. God decreed what I give in to this reality I get back with time and sometimes it doesn’t work out because life is dismal. That is the reality of life, we can only excite ourselves into whatever situations we want to happen in order to feel “Good things”. The good things are only measured by what we care about the energy we put in will be shown but not always respected.
This is the 4th decade I’ve lived this life I feel pain every day, the pressure of reality and the finite nature of the human condition but I still give thanks to God and praise him, although nothing is promised I wake up everyday and try my best as if I am worth nothing in order for when my judgement day comes I have done something that is pleasing. Without any details and understanding the breakdown of my Ethos into my philosophies I gave of my life to give, the people do not own my life I have given it to God and try to help his children through it. This for me is what humble is. There is no guarantee no take backs no thanks I do this because it was decreed and it’s the only way I can live because it’s the only way it can be.
Leave a Reply