Rhyme and Reason: Opening Up seems to be the Hardest Word #PrimeNYT

Bless up from your feet to your head top

we go again,

I am one simple man. I do what I can

Pain of passion, life writhe with despair and torment and the speck of hope life offers is stripped from them; For the sake of others… those who offer true escape are the only ones who can’t escape their own because almighty good has to be paired with a big bad to exist. That’s the pain of passion

When I give and give and get nothing back the emptiness goes on there is no time to take or love to have because the offer is too weak to accept and the thyth is so heavy to pay it you must look in the darkness and pick one person after the other out and in exchange thanks is pitiful and what the universe offers in return is tuppence to the energy expended the time sacrificed and the suffering lived through.

What is there really what time, what energy, what sustenance can be given for the things one man can live through that is unmatched by others. All worldly escapes are poisonous and all Godly rewards are honorary so why should one man ask of something he never sought relief from, why should one man look for release in something that is outside of him.

when I wrote Pain of passion, I was in a serious place. It was also one of the first time I wrote an idea down I was feeling fresh from my head to the page. Now it’s a milestone, I had more ideas but that one done something.

Fast forward early January 2019 I lived through trauma once again but only now I decided to write about it. The best good I can do through life wrought with despair and torment is offer the speck of hope in life where I had none. It was stripped from me but I lived so I live for the sake of others… to those that seek some sort of refuge.

The game I play by myself in this world can only be called forgiveness and freedom what wonderment it offers those around me and how long can I be tied to it’s tether. I ask myself that daily I receive no answers but the gifts I expend I can’t run away from.

To work for my solemn gain is to work selfishly and it’s not in my spirit to do so. I work for others as a symptom of the contract on my life and that is tied by blood and the only way to break it is death, all alone in my mission but around those who could only take and never help daily, encased in the prism of perspective unable to touch unable to take and I have to be okay.

The full education is in can I withstand what I learn about myself in my 20’s to even live through to see the fruits of my bargain. What a beautiful conundrum

Stay composed and keep your neck up

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We’re learning more of – Whatever Moves Your Dial

Damilare. Not Your Typical

Follow my socials Instagram: @nytypical Twitter: @nytypical

Please check out Some of my Thoughts On:

For some longer form write ups Read some of My Dialogues

Click here for my Essays 

To learn more about Owning Your Own Ship – OYOS  

A Dialogue On: Why I Cried at The Assassination of Nipsey Hussle — how it mentally entraps black men into a cycle of terror

I weep,

This event shook me to the core I can feel it I am not so emotionless that I can’t feel what has happened to me anymore. Some part of me wishes I was stone cold at the event that transpired 1am Monday morning.

No hurt

This is a feeling I can only compare to Murder of Trayvon Martin; the events of the past 44 hours strike me emotionally I feel the base of my heart reverberate and take me to the same place I was back then as a young man how helpless I was to do anything possible how my life in front of me disappeared and how I couldn’t think.

When I would go to the animation lab of my Cardiff University it would be hollow of emotion, I also couldn’t feel anything. I now feel, I can now cry and I can now give a passage of what this has done to me.

Grief

I am besides myself with grief with no tears to cry, my heart still weeps and my mind is trying to reject the idea that this is what’s going on, I can’t escape this feeling though; the feeling that I can get got at any time. Even deeper than Pain of Passion this is a feeling I grew up with one that tears black men up and one that can cripple a mans enthusiasm to help his community and to make something of himself.

This is the terrible feeling that black men face everyday the threat that our own success can kill us and even if we are noble righteous or just minding our own business living life that someone can take that from us in a moment. The motivation of our opposition doesn’t matter it’s the very real very pure fear and anxiety that someone can steal that from us.

Who will protect Black Men

I don’t even care for what people think about black males or the life some of us can possibly lead and the psychology of this isn’t one of those I can only say that I’m stressed. Beyond belief I am stressed, how much must we bend into a mould before we break; how long can we sustain this level of stoicism in the face of adversity before someone breaks us.

I have to relax, I have to be able to sleep properly, I have to be able to keep going. I cannot have other dictate the term to how I’m allowed to live my life and the cost is death, which was the reason I stopped crying, which was the reason I never feared death and welcomed it but times change I opened myself up — then XXXTENTACION gets murdered… Now Nipsey Hussle gets assassinated…

Why we put emotions away…

I feel the sorrow from my childhood that was the reason I never allowed myself to feel Trayvon’s death. I don’t know how much more I can take before the gates close again, I am up to the task of helping my community but this pain is a pain that overflows and overwhelms the most masculine types — at the rate they are taking out Black Men it’s only so long before the sorrow swallows a man. I can tell you now it won’t kill me first right now it hurts like hell, not just the death the feeling of helplessness that comes with it.

I say this with the most respect on the most literal terms. I was Trayvon, I died when he did. They shot me too. I AM NOW NIPSEY HUSSLE a man of the community trying to empower my people. That pain is my pain I carry this cross consciously & I am not trying to die on the inside again. I want to live and see OUR mission through to the end of my long and prosperous life.

… And our Spirit Dies

Why must black men who try to do good and speak truth to life leave this world as a martyr — Leave us alone. Every black man grows up wanting to help his mum or stop her from working or just earn so much money he can look after his own family with no problem. With the amount of obstacles we have to over come it becomes time for us to make a decision; That decision is made several times over before a man turns 25, that decision turns most men’s dream to dust.


Editors Note

One of my founding reasons I became a speaker was to communicate my individual experience and by proxy share the experiences of a group of people I hold dear. Just like with my Sickle Cell blogs I feel forced into a position to speak on this because men cry with no tears. Till you understand that you won’t understand us.

I will forever keep up the good example Nipsey set for us, I am not going to settle or quieten down; As long as I have breath I will always preach empowerment just like he does.

Whatever Moves Your Dial

Damilare. Not Your Typical

Follow my socials Instagram: @nytypical Twitter: @nytypical

If you enjoyed this please check out More of My Dialogues

Click here for my Essays 

To learn about Owning Your Own Ship – OYOS  

 

OYOS Part 3/3 Law of Trafalgar

These the laws of Trafalgar, the very same that I live by today are more of a sentiment an ode to entrepreneurship rather than a recount of a moment in time. For Trafalgar’s Law was a build up that started in Uni & the beginning of a new Era. The world was seen in a different light, you can say I was in the New World

It all started in my Homies room where I shed tears for all the dumb shit that I was doing and how unserious of a candidate I was for success. I told myself I was going to make it one day but I needed to be serious about my life. Remember at this point I was making more money than I’ve made any year prior, but to me, it wasn’t enough. I needed more I needed it to be real and I needed it to be mine.

I started with my attire I needed to feel good, by any means. Professional every day, without fail. this is the same time now I went after the jobs I wanted and successfully conquered many days at the same time I put myself out there and started promoting what I wanted. Live streaming was my medium, I lit it up as an influencer. I was more aware and more accepting of my surroundings creating situations and ‘following the money.’ Because at the start of everything you must follow something, and not being broke was a priority.

After leaving University and being back home, home. I looked at my surroundings and prepared and visualised what I wanted to happen. After declining an offer at Jacobs, I needed to create some source of income, it had to be quick and needed a source to generate income. Simple, I will be a handyman, they’re independent willing to fail and I could easily make £100. a day (which we did).

Simple right. Yes. But nothing ever comes easy and sourcing things by yourself is a full irritation. I’m not one to do things for myself so I told myself simply help someone make money you’ll definitely make something. So I called a great friend Hugo, asked how he was doing. (Bear in mind we’ve done a little business before) Coming from my power base he was easy to talk to, we both wanted better for ourselves and are willing to try our hardest to get it.

This is where our talk in trafalgar square took place. where I learned of my true power as a leader. filled with so much purpose I spoke and he listened. we exchanged many words and as we we’re seated I felt our minds on the same wavelength, when I spoke to him about my dreams for a great business he wanted nothing more than to help me along the way. How I would like to see it is that ‘a man of principles came to me first for help’. This is the only respectable way I can view it because after that talk we learned and spoke for months on end committing ourselves to a high performance attitude with nothing more than enthusiasm behind us. We truly moved like a whirlwind, as one, like a wildfire.

That High didn’t last long as high performance leads to high friction. and personalities clashing. However nothing gets in the way of the one true vision as I learned you must always remind people of & be a symbol of such, embodying every characteristic of the person you said you would be for them, a very taxing position but a worthwhile one long term. The problem is, a high performance attitude doesn’t last too long in someone who isn’t truly prepared for it and quite frankly I got tired of being the guy to lean on – my personal folly – I knew not of what it really took to be a leader.

This is where I learned the dark side to my charisma. as much as I give spiritually is as much that gets taken from me, with no positive spirit give back only negative energy can fuel the head. and thats toxic. No one needs that, amongst other thing this led Hugo and I to part ways, I never want to feel like a boss and I never want it to be just me as the driving force to someone else passion. They need a thing, I can be that thing but not for long, one must learn to run alone or not at all.

It took me two years to complete this, when I started OYOS the first part was over a year away and the second was months, writing about something in the thing isn’t something I like to do having true retrospect where you can look at all parties actions fairly is where I’d rather place my hat especially in Law of Trafalgar. We learned so much I’d have hated to create a bias representation of any part involved and this is just the light read version, when the book and/or film get involved I will surely use my all to write it exactly how it went. Till then

This has been Not Your Typical [As I go as in this 2018]

We’re learning more of – Whatever Moves Your Dial

Damilare. Not Your Typical

Follow my socials Instagram: @nytypical Twitter: @nytypical

If you enjoyed this please check out More of Thoughts On:

For some longer form write ups Read some of My Dialogues

Click here for my Essays 

To learn more about Owning Your Own Ship – OYOS