Pain Of Passion

It’s so weird to talk on a subject such as this as it hits so close to home. We all know of John Lennon, Robin Williams & Basquiat Alexander McQueen. People that moved the culture forward like  Hemingway, Francis & Zelda Fitzgerald and Kanye West most know today who are plagued with demons that come in all shapes and sizes. We could honestly name 101 artists that have their own problems they are fighting here and there. Point being what is the cost of doing something you love.

I tell myself daily from pain comes to my best work, if I’m not in a state of comfort mostly mental that thing that drives me won’t be as strong as it should be to create a great story or concept. Now I do so much for the sake of my love of the sport it is simply a thrill to create something of great worth to me, then for other people to like and accept it is a beast of its own. But how much is this state of imminent peril worth, and with notoriety comes anticipation, the anticipation of people wanting more, Can he be better; Can he top his last work; Has he stagnated; Was she just a one hit wonder.

I now can only imagine the pressure to do well then compared to now. I think we can effectively say with art comes the recreational flavours of the World. All rappers can talk about is their use of Weed, Alcohol, Extasy & Drug addled orgies now how many of them are having fun or holding in some sort of pain that they are not ready to deal with. When it comes to my life there have been absurd amounts of Pain involved from a very young age and in dealing with many mental battles to just fight on, coming to peace having nothing to do with creating. Doing what I do brings me joy but there is that part of me that always wonders what will I create if I treated my life like Earnest did, Drinking and smoking at a typewriter trying to pull from the very depths of my imagination the best stories possible. Now, being a University student I have had my fun in that uncontrollable realm but I will reiterate it had nothing to do with creating it had more to do with the Celebration of a deadline or things of that nature.

What I want to know is what does it take to create great works, or what is considered “Great” sober, because all of whom I listen to and information I consume turns to the the former “With great works, comes great demon to be fought”. Ultimately Great pain follows because demons never leave they transmute. What’s that say to a Young Turk like me, yes I’ve got my own internal demons but the path to creating a great work is seemingly laid out?  You must control that demon with external forces in order to be able to create something substantial, as if that damn is always there playing on your mind uncontrolled you’ll never be able to get out the thing you want to say comfortably, in a digestible way for your audience. This is up for philosophical debate. What is your passion worth to you?

“I won’t underestimate who I am, capable of becoming.” – Benjamin Clementine

This has been

Not Your Typical

That Which Would Kill Me

I’m feeling awful downtrodden at the moment as I have realised what was apparent to me before became a reality today. Just by understanding the laws I live by (The Principles of Man) or that which would kill me Pride. As good and as noble as I am, as much as I am a pacifist and do not live by the sword but by the pen. I fight my own battles in the field, this world we live in is not as noble as I would like it to be so I harden and grow callous to those negative behaviours and live by my rule humans are basically good.

But that is another blog, what I want to write about is the pride. As much as one can try as a Man can try pride plagues his spirit daily to fight the good fight to make one’s parents PROUD to make one’s family PROUD it’s a shame and not because pride can also save you but pride is what kills the man that sense of duty to one’s people. So who do I see as my people? The Creatives, the Artist, the colours & people of the world. It’s funny to say because I know no one will ever understand the sense of duty I fee to these 7 billion odd residence on our sapphire planet.

My sense of duty is what tugs on my ability to do things what creative answer I give my one motivation for even still being alive is to make the world a better place. It is funny again to me as I know of no one that will understand this more than the dead. See this burden I have no reservations in saying or preaching from a mountain top it is what led to the downfall of a business partnership because I see things they didn’t. Let me just say this, though I am not one of those creatives that feel their words or pictures on the screen will make the world a better place. What I do is a form of escapism it’s cathartic I understand this and feel to create the best fiction possible to allow residents to do this. Let’s get real I see nor has history given me an idea to believe that 1 singular artist body of work changed the world at large. Ruling out writings on the wall made by our ancestors I don’t see it. Unless my Art history is off then I’m sorry, please I would love for my perspective to be changed. Genuinely. I am not bashing what I love I just understand the 21st century we live in today needs a certain type of action, this is all.

Now, as far as duty goes I’ve told you before I have no idea whether I’m ready to risk going to university again. The scariest of proposals made to me, I hear it calling me. My sense of duty and more importantly pride in myself as a man was triggered, I’m not going to say how as that isn’t sauce of my mind I’m willing to let up yet however now it is a must I get that PhD I told myself I was so determined to get at 14. 10 years later I will go all the way, 6 years earlier than expected(I was to wait till I was 30 to reconvene(however I will triple major)) if only he could see it now, the straight path for me never existed did it.

I must stress this is not of my own volition this is all pride duty and a higher calling screaming at me to do so, something more powerful and more forceful than sheer human determination because I tell you now I see myself kicking and screaming internally to do the things that I have been called to do. Of my own volition, I’d be a laptop entrepreneur travel and make artworks on the side! Oh so selfish and oh so impossible, living for myself is my antithesis. I even think if, your immediate community of people you’d look out for at a drop of a dime, is less than 10 you’re not that great of a human being. You have your reasons I love you for it, doesn’t make your mentality better it. And maybe your mind and EQ doesn’t stretch that far (I won’t get into any studies but they exist) but I am built for this. That is what’s funny not many will understand, no one has asked this of me but here I am dealing with this thus ‘That Which Would Kill Me’. I am too prideful to let go of the World, I know I was built to make it better, therefore, I stand in solitude on this pursuit. I understand the death sentence I’ve given myself writing this, I exercise free will every day to make change a reality. Being a laptop Entrepreneur sure is fun but what will I do for the world really? Pray for me is all I ask.

 

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Not Your Typical

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