Bless up from your feet to your head top, keep your neck up,
We go Again
People have often asked me “if you’re everyone’s person, who do you turn to” my answer has been silent for a long time.
That absence of an answer has left me longing for a human connection with someone that understands me, who I am & what I go through. For so long I had asked myself questions; deep penetrating questions since I was a kid. I would talk to myself everyday trying to figure it out and of the parts I did have figured out I would share it with people.
This had people coming back to me for some time but it would not have them respect me as a person I would be someone they take from but would never feel a need to give back to. I would shield them from forsakers when they were not looking and I wouldn’t look for thanks I would want them to be good.
As a person I would expect them to be better humans because no one was coming after them, instead they felt untouchable and that they didn’t need me… my own folly. The day they left would induce a fall from grace, I never liked that not ever.
In 2016-2018 I found myself being the weirdos amongst artists, no one really to relate to, no one who understood me, no one to challenge me or to channel the energy I put out back into me.
So I sit in my room and contemplate my existence hours on end searching for reason and meaning bringing myself to a place to that I can say I like, the meaning I sought after has taken me away from vices and certain toxic behaviour and brought me to a calmer status of life.
The only person I can truly talk to is myself and the only person I lean on is God.
‘Lean on me when you’re not strong, I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long till I’m going to need somebody to lean on.’
Such a statement on the world I can’t help but think about while writing this, I ask and God responds. I just want to be a better person for myself and for the people in this world and I find the questions I ask no one, not one of my contemporaries can answer; there is no peer or mentor who feels to seek within themselves a better them in this life. Some of us seek money and admiration, I seek myself on my time on this Earth.
Funny thing is I know exactly who I am and exactly what I am supposed to do I am really just compelled by human persuasion thinking someone like me can’t be accepted by the likes of them. Most of all the people I look up to have been killed by humans, what type of future does that bode for someone like me?
So I turn to God, ask him why me, why this way, why love, why do so many people despair, why can I wash it away, why does speaking to me make other people feel better, why can I draw out somebody’s greatness. The questions go on and on and they roll around my mind seeking to be answered now not by man but by God, I know exactly what I’m capable of why can’t I be selfish with it. Why don’t I care about money or admiration or love of people who are not God? I have no idea how to answer those question and I know those questions aren’t of this world either.
We’re learning more of – Whatever Moves Your Dial
Damilare. Not Your Typical
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