I’m feeling awful downtrodden at the moment as I have realised what was apparent to me before became a reality today. Just by understanding the laws I live by (The Principles of Man) or that which would kill me Pride. As good and as noble as I am, as much as I am a pacifist and do not live by the sword but by the pen. I fight my own battles in the field, this world we live in is not as noble as I would like it to be so I harden and grow callous to those negative behaviours and live by my rule humans are basically good.
But that is another blog, what I want to write about is the pride. As much as one can try as a Man can try pride plagues his spirit daily to fight the good fight to make one’s parents PROUD to make one’s family PROUD it’s a shame and not because pride can also save you but pride is what kills the man that sense of duty to one’s people. So who do I see as my people? The Creatives, the Artist, the colours & people of the world. It’s funny to say because I know no one will ever understand the sense of duty I fee to these 7 billion odd residence on our sapphire planet.
My sense of duty is what tugs on my ability to do things what creative answer I give my one motivation for even still being alive is to make the world a better place. It is funny again to me as I know of no one that will understand this more than the dead. See this burden I have no reservations in saying or preaching from a mountain top it is what led to the downfall of a business partnership because I see things they didn’t. Let me just say this, though I am not one of those creatives that feel their words or pictures on the screen will make the world a better place. What I do is a form of escapism it’s cathartic I understand this and feel to create the best fiction possible to allow residents to do this. Let’s get real I see nor has history given me an idea to believe that 1 singular artist body of work changed the world at large. Ruling out writings on the wall made by our ancestors I don’t see it. Unless my Art history is off then I’m sorry, please I would love for my perspective to be changed. Genuinely. I am not bashing what I love I just understand the 21st century we live in today needs a certain type of action, this is all.
Now, as far as duty goes I’ve told you before I have no idea whether I’m ready to risk going to university again. The scariest of proposals made to me, I hear it calling me. My sense of duty and more importantly pride in myself as a man was triggered, I’m not going to say how as that isn’t sauce of my mind I’m willing to let up yet however now it is a must I get that PhD I told myself I was so determined to get at 14. 10 years later I will go all the way, 6 years earlier than expected(I was to wait till I was 30 to reconvene(however I will triple major)) if only he could see it now, the straight path for me never existed did it.
I must stress this is not of my own volition this is all pride duty and a higher calling screaming at me to do so, something more powerful and more forceful than sheer human determination because I tell you now I see myself kicking and screaming internally to do the things that I have been called to do. Of my own volition, I’d be a laptop entrepreneur travel and make artworks on the side! Oh so selfish and oh so impossible, living for myself is my antithesis. I even think if, your immediate community of people you’d look out for at a drop of a dime, is less than 10 you’re not that great of a human being. You have your reasons I love you for it, doesn’t make your mentality better it. And maybe your mind and EQ doesn’t stretch that far (I won’t get into any studies but they exist) but I am built for this. That is what’s funny not many will understand, no one has asked this of me but here I am dealing with this thus ‘That Which Would Kill Me’. I am too prideful to let go of the World, I know I was built to make it better, therefore, I stand in solitude on this pursuit. I understand the death sentence I’ve given myself writing this, I exercise free will every day to make change a reality. Being a laptop Entrepreneur sure is fun but what will I do for the world really? Pray for me is all I ask.
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